There’s No Way I’d Die First by Lisa Springer
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Scare Factor: 💀💀💀| Plot: 📕📕📕📕| Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
Length: 📱 243 pages | Genre: YA Horror | POV: First
Dates Read: 04.09.24 – 04.10.24



✴✴✴ TW: Murder, Gore, Clowns ✴✴✴



🕊️ ➞ Tropes:

🕵🏻Whodunit🕵🏻
❓👤Red Herring👤❓
🚫Trust No One 🚫
🩸Gruesome 🩸
👩🏻 Final Girl Vibes 👩🏻
👻No One’s Safe 👻
👤👺Hooded / Masked Killer 👺👤
👹😵‍💫Crazed Motive😵‍💫👹
🔪🩸Slasher 🩸🔪
💅🏻 Revenge Plot 💅🏻



🕊️ ➞ Synopsis:

Debut author Lisa Springer delivers a spine-tingling contemporary horror that follows a scary-movie buff as she hosts an elaborate Halloween bash on her family’s estate but soon finds the festivities upended when she and her guests are forced to test their survival skills in a deadly party game.

Noelle Layne knows horror. Every trope, every warning sign, every survival tactic. She even leads a successful movie club dedicated to the genre. Thus, who better to throw the ultimate, most exclusive Halloween party on all of Long Island? And with the guest list including the coolest kids in her senior class, her popularity is bound to spike. Hopefully, enough to warrant an expansion into podcasting. Plus, the fact that attractive, singer-songwriter Archer Mitchell is coming is honestly the candy corn on top. Nothing is going to kill her party vibes.

Except…maybe the low-budget It clown she hires to lead a classic round of tag. He’s supposed to be terrifying, though in a comforting, nostalgic way. Instead, the guy is giving major creeps. But maybe Noelle’s just that good at hosting? Her confidence is immediately rocked when the night’s entertainment axes one of her guests. And he’s not done yet. If an evil, murderous clown thinks life is a game, then Noelle is ready to play. She’s been waiting a long time to prove that she’s a Final Girl.



🕊️ ➞ Character Thoughts & Their Untimely Demises:


🐦‍⬛ ↳ Kelsi Crankenshaw:

Ah, Kelsi. Our first victim and scream queen. During the evening’s hide-and-seek game, Kelsi was gutted after being found by Gage the Clown. Her death was the tipping point of the night and the reason everyone broke off into groups and hid for their lives.



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Maddie Xu:

Maddie Xu was the fashion design influencer of the group who met her fate outside in the dirt. Running from Gage, she was slashed and stabbed with hedge clippers. Tsk. How unfortunate. Her outfit must’ve gotten so dirty, what a shame.



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Elise Thomas:

Elise Thomas was the makeup guru of the group and was seeing Demario Rollins. Gage gutted her on the docks before he tossed her into the water. Demario swam to her and attempted to save her but it was too late.



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Hailey Daniel:

Hailey Daniel spent her time as a social media guru who promoted social activism in an effort to change the world. Hailey was captured, tied up, and forced to eat the pieces of a computer keyboard after Gage superglued her eyes, nose, and mouth shut.



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Mariana Martinez:

Mariana was the theatre fanatic of the group, she was also the girlfriend of Hailey Daniel. Mariana fell to her death and cracked her skull open while attempting to escape Gage.



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Charlie Huang:

Charlie Huang was the econ genius of the group who wouldn’t stop pushing crypto. Ugh, we hate those people, huh?! Whelp, after a failed selfish escape attempt, Charlie ran right out the front door at top speed and met the fate of metal wire. He was decapitated. Gory. 😍



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Vivek Bhatia:

Vivek Bhatia was an app creator and internet businessman who met the wrong drill. Gage took a power tool and drilled a hole through Vivek’s forehead. Yikes, that must’ve really hurt…



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Dylan Hansen:

Daniel Hansen filled our obligatory role of the jock! He was a lacrosse captain who loved the hype that came with winning. After being injured, the group tried to take Dylan along with them for a while but as the pain of his wound got to him, he decided to sacrifice himself. Dylan’s death wasn’t depicted, but Gage alluded to slashing and/or stabbing him.



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Josh Sullivan:

Josh Sullivan was an award-winning host of some talk show who recently lost all his wealth. Out of jealousy, envy, and anger, Josh hired Gage to pose as a clown and murder his rich, conniving friends. When Noelle was able to show Gage how much of a hypocrite Josh was, he slit his throat. Before the cops came, Archer and Noelle posed Josh’s body and tossed it over a balcony.



🐦‍⬛ ↳ Gage the Clown:

Gage the Clown, whose real name was Wesley Castle, was our infamous killer. He posed as a party clown to get revenge on Noelle for banning him from her podcast’s forum. Wesley was incredibly aggressive and resented Noelle for silencing him. In fact, Josh hired him to kill all his “friends.” Gage wasn’t going to turn down that opportunity. Gage fell to his death into an empty pool from the skylight roof window.



🕊️ ➞ My Favorite Quotes:

“What am I doing this? You bought the Evil Clown Level 4 Scare package! And now all your friends are dead.”

– Gage the Clown, Chapter 26

🕊️ ➞ Closing Thoughts:

There’s No Way I’d Die First was underrated; I happened to love this plot, the kill scenes, the ending, and all the references!

Side note: I HATE that I knew the Evil Bong reference immediately… I loathe my partner for putting that movie on. 😭 If you haven’t seen it, don’t. It’s so awful, makes no sense, and has so many t!tties it should be uploaded on PHub.

Anywho, as I said, I loved it. I loved the shitty people who got slaughtered, I loved the main character and her thought process through all this horror. I would recommend this book if you’re looking for a quick and easy slasher that nods to the classics. I definitely wouldn’t recommend it if you hate clowns, it’s no bueno then. If you’ve read There’s No Way I’d Die First, leave a comment! Did you get the Evil Bong reference too? If so, I am so sorry. Did someone make you, or was it a poor choice on your part? Maybe a form of visual torture, perhaps? If you haven’t read it and you want a good old slasher, give it a try! Then come back and let me know what you thought of it! Can’t wait to hear all about it!!

xo,

L.B.

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